Pipoka’s blog

I just came back from a wonderful children's camp. Even though I worked in the kitchen, I still had plenty of time to bond with the children. Within then was the representation of innocence, the innocence that touched my heart and helped me grow. A lot has happened in the past few months for me that have signified defeat and trials. But through all a glint of hope comes as each day I feel more and more restored. Sometimes I feel more broken then healed but that is part of life and I know that things will get better. 

In reply to my friend Pete's post, I went off on a rant about Hollywood and popstars.

Well, let me ask one question: did anyone here expect anything different? Pop stars are universally, critically decried for sucking because it's the point of pop stars. They pander to the lowest common denominator, the most easily impressionable type crowds. No one actually thinks Nickelback is a decent band and they're the biggest band in the world right now. But no one actually thinks they're good, they just enjoy the music.

How many times have you asked someone "What music do you listen to?" and they say "Everything."? What they're really saying is "I don't care enough about the music I'm listening to, so long as I can enjoy it." They'll listen to rap, dance, rock, country even, so long as it sounds nice to them. That's why the record companies go for them.

For every Brittany Spears there is a singer out there who actually can sing and that people enjoy. For instance, my favorite band ever is Thursday. They've released five full length CDs, have headlined international tours, have played Warped Tour and Taste of Chaos at least a couple times each, etc etc, and they've been on MTV maybe once? You'd have to buy some serious cable TV to find a music channel that will play them. Meanwhile, you can watch MTV and see three Akon videos in one hour, even though his songs are crap and his voice is disgustingly bad. I'm not complaining, though. Companies like MTV only play crap because the people watching don't actually care about the music. They're more interested in watching MTV than they're interested in what's actually on. It's the same reason you get shows like "My Super Sweet 16." No one actually thinks that's a good show, it's just cool cause it's on MTV, and watching MTV in and of itself is cool.

So who cares about Brittany Spears? Do what the crazy person on the video says and leave her alone. No, there's no authenticity to anything about her, but so what? We know where to find the good music and we all know that the record companies are going to keep promoting people like her, so why worry?

- Kid

There is nothing wrong with listening to something because you enjoy it. Where you draw the line is, is enjoying it all I care about? I like some of Britney Spears songs, they have good beats or whatever, but her whole fakeness overpowered my enjoyment of her music. So much that I don't really listen to her anymore and listening to anything by her makes me sick.

Like you said, its an identity thing. People want to identify with whats cool, with what's socially acceptable, so they go on board. Check this. Golf all of a sudden has become cool. Why? Because the Jonas Brothers and Selena Gomez love golf. Now all the other popstarts love golf. Oo fun. (I hate golf.) Twitter. OMGSH! It's all over the place it makes me sick. I happen to have one, but the only reason I got one was to follow Switchfoot and Invisible Children on twitter. But I ask myself, why do I have it? I just have one because everyone has one and I dont want to be left behind. I feel guilty when I go on twitter. I don't enjoy it, I just go because its acceptable and cool. And that is not something good for me. Another example: Kings Of Leon. No one seemed to be liking them three years ago. All of a sudden you see the popstarts mention them and everyone likes them. When I listened to them for the first time, the fact that they were not accepted by Hollywood is what attracted me to them. Europe embraced them . I loved they're honesty, I loved how they're lyrics didn't work for the general audience, I loved how they were so raw. They manage to stay raw, thank God. Hopefully they wont be driven by this sudden success. I could name off other things that people go on board with, including me, because its cool. We all do. And it makes me sad because we lose authenticity. I found myself wishing Hollywood would end. That it would be history. But its been going on for so long, why would it end? Can it end? I hope it does. It sends off the wrong message, it rubs off the wrong way. I watched E!True Hollywood Story on Marilyn Monroe and it just made me so sad for Hollywood and the world we live in. That woman was messed up and the fact that she was famous did not help.

It truly breaks my heart to see so much fakeness and lack of individuality in the pop culture. By individuality I don't mean the "I'm gonna be myself because I know who I am and all you haterz back off! I'm doing my own thing" uhhh, no you're not, you're doing what everyone else is doing.

It's just wrong. I hope I can do something about it. I hope I can bring true stories to the headlines. Stories of children being abducted by sadistic killers in Uganda. If that had as much coverage as Brangelina's babies then maybe the problem would be solved by now. What about AIDs, what about poverty, what about the average man and woman? a�ldfjaklsfdj!!! So angry at this injustice!

Hear from the filmmakers.
Visit How It Ends Website and Invisible Children.

I listened to this song by Bethany Dillon called I Believe In You, right at the time that I felt down again. It's hard when you're in a dificult situation. You try to keep your head up, and you have good moments, but every once in awhile its out of your control and you are reminded of your situation again. But that's ok. because it happens. Hard times come and we learn from them and embrace the pain and try to move forward. However, the only way that I can move forward is by the grace of God.

I felt bad because my current sitaution is binding. I dream a lot because my situation does not allow me to live out those dreams just yet. I have a "difficult" family and difficult rules to abide by. But in my heart I know who I really am and who God really wants me to be and everyday He helps bring that out just a little more. But its hard when you've tried to show who you are at home, school, or church and that gets rejected each time. It's hard when you don't have someone walking with you and helping you keep your dreams alive.

I end up feeling invisible. I cope, I move forward. No more moping. No more pity parties. But that whole is still there. The bad isn't going to go away after all and that's okay, I guess. But in the midst of my invisibility and loneliness God proclaims these words: I believe in you. You are not invisible to me. I see you. I saw you before anyone did. That's why I died for you. Don't forget. I believe in you.

That brings me so much comfort in my darkest hour. Sometimes I feel like I'm not worth anything, that my life is but a speck in the midst of all these great lives. I desire to be great but great doesn't come fast enough. I have so much inside of me that I'm afraid to show. Afraid that I'll fail or break. I don't believe in myself. But God does. God could be working with the best. He could be choosing the people with the best abilities. Those with confidence. Those with strength. But no, He chose me. A weak, insecure girl who doesn't believe in herself. He chose me because He believes I have potential and He wants to show me Himself. What an honor! Makes me feel like I am worth something after all. And I find that beautiful.

God isn't with me because I'm a challenge. Because He needs more glory (ha, I turned this wretched girl into something good) no. He loves me for me. He's with me because He simply wants to. He never rejects who I am, never goes about criticizing everything I do. He just shows me love. For His own pleasure, He chose me. And out of His pleasure, I am blessed. He just keeps on giving and giving.

God believes in me even when he sees me crying. He cries over my pain for hours until I'm healed. God believes, so He dreams for me. When nothing comes from trying, I can remember that God believes in me. And that is all I need.
It never rains forever. Love will come to set me free from this prison. As time progresses I will be able to see the world with new eyes. See it for what it should be. All because He believed, believes, and will continue to believe in me.

 

 

 
"I Believe In You"

When there's nothing to believe in, I belive in you
Forget the past and let my hand in yours be the proof
Though the strong could be my company, you're the one I choose
So remember, I believe in you

I know it feels like every eye is watching you
Waiting for you to fall, expecting you to lose
But I see victory, so all you have to do
Is remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

There will come a day when love will lift you out of here
There will come a day when love will bring the truth
There will come a day when love will free you from your fear
And you'll remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

Today was one of those days. Today was one of those days when I know that God was looking out for me. I have a weakness. I tend to shy away from my dreams and aspirations and for who I am for fear of what others will think or do or feel. God has always encouraged me to be who I am despite what others say. Wasn't Jesus who he really was? No more and no less? Did everyone like it? Nope. But He came for a mission and he did it despite opposition. He didn't sabotage his purpose or dreams like I do. He continued despite the suffering. Everyday God reminds me of his grace and His love for me. He reminds me of my dreams and brings forth new ones everyday. He gently pulls me by His side and makes sure that I know that the only way to be true to myself is to be true to Him. In a prayer one day I complained about my weaknesses. I thought I was doing the right thing, right? Confessing how bad I was. Not so good. Jesus said, "Guimel, I live in you now and I am strong. Do not say 'I am weak' because when you do, you call me weak. And I am not weak. I am strong. You are strong, through Me." I carry those words with me everyday. Who am I to call myself ugly, of no importance, and incapable of achieving goodness? Jesus is in me and He is none of those things. So I am none of those things because I am a new creation.

The day started out good. I took the gruesome SAT test this morning and was surprised at how smoothly it went. God was by my side every step of the way and I saw His goodness in every question that I answered.

He then gave me the opportunity to see some of my best friends! We went to the Oceanarium and hung out and had a lot of fun! I couldn't do much without them. They are a moral support and a huge help to me and to my sister.

Later that day our mom took us to Colombo. We hung out a little bit then my sister and I left my mom and my aunt to chat while we explored the familiar mall. We went to Fnac because Fnac is our favorite store. While we were there, I heard this beautiful voice and the sound of the piano. I obviously knew that a band was going to play that night at the café. But something about the way this guy was playing and the sound of his voice just stopped me in my tracks. I stood there for what seemed like an hour but was actually a minute or two. My sister brought me back to earth and we explored a little bit more around the area but I kept thinking about the guy playing. They were actually doing a soundcheck and didn't seem busy after all. I entered the area to see if they had any cds there or anything and they did. I stood there staring at the cd, half wishing I could go over there and tell them what they had just done to me, half wanting to not bother them. I asked my sister to let me borrow some money so I could at least buy the album. She said, "Why don't you just go talk to them?" I was considering doing that but was a bit nervous and scared. I made some time by going to listen to the cd on the ear things and trying to convince myself to go talk to them.

Here is where the dilemma enters. The person who is fearful in me would want to resist. Everything in my life suggested that I wasn't made for that world of music, that I couldnt mean bands or go to concerts that werent by Christian artists, that I couldnt do something brave and out of the blue. That I was weak and didn't deserve those dreams anyway because of all the opposition. But God's voice (the voice of truth) tells me I am not weak and its time for me to break out and enjoy my life and head towards what God has placed in my way. Here was a great opportunity to meet this band that I was quickly falling in love with. So I determined to do it. I told my sister, "I'm going to talk to them. I'm going to tell them that barely after hearing 2 to 3 minutes of their soundcheck, I decided to buy their cd." My sister said, "I'm coming with you."

So I stepped forward and called for the lead singer. He readily turned around and said, "Hi!" I told him, "I just wanted to say that after hearing two to three minutes of your soundcheck, I decided to buy your cd." He got this radiant look on his face and got so excited. He had no idea how something like that could happen. In that moment I felt myself climb out of my flesh. I was free for 10 minutes or so as I chatted with him and the other members of the band. No they werent Christians, yes they drank beer, but God used them to signify another step towards my personal freedom.

A Silent Film is Robert Stevenson, Lewis Jones, Alaistar Hussain, and Spencer Walker. These four guys make amazing music. They are tight knitted with Portugal and from what I understood their record deal involves Portugal and the UK. I spoke most to Robert, who you can see with me on the left. He is amazing. He was so kind and so talented and so excited to meet a fan.

Immediately after my sister and I started talking to him, a worker at Fnac

practically grabbed the cd from my hands and asked if we would like to get it autographed. I said, "YES PLEASE!" He went back and took the paper out and everything and Robert signed it first to me. Right after he introduced us to the rest of the members of the band who were also very glad to meet us. They all signed it and we talked a bit more with Robert and the drummer Spencer. Spencer was very nice to us as well and he kept telling us to go to their next show here in Portugal. They all wanted us to stay for the show coming up but we had to go. They were glad to meet us and bid us farewell.

I was so happy after that. Not just because I met a band on the rise, but because of what it all represented. I am still within the boundaries of my household and won't be seeing them live at the Optimus festival even though I would if I had some more freedom. We also werent able to stay for the show because my mother had to get home. I didn't care though. I was content with the little I got. I am patient and waiting for the time when I will fully be able to accomplish my dreams.

These guys are amazing. Please take a listen and check them out. Here is some information on the band.

http://www.myspace.com/asilentfilm

Those are all the links that I found, but their myspace has pretty much everything you need. Here are some cool pictures of them.

Invisible Children is hosting a live webcast on Wednesday June 10th, 10 AM Pacific (1 PM Eastern)(AND about 6PM portuguese time)! It is hosted by mogulus and Conversant life and the three filmmakers will be talking about the rescue, the appearance on oprah, the larry king live show and HOW IT ENDS!!! GO GO GO GO !!!
"Don't sleep through a revolution. Don't do it. Don't. Do. It." - Jason Russell

Alright now! I posted a link to this video on facebook and it spiked up an interesting conversation that I posted on the What Do You Believe section of the Switchfoot messageboards my first online home. :) Check it out here and here is what I posted. Don't be afraid to join in and discuss too!

So I came across this video and the first reaction that I had was, "This is funny and it confirms everything I think about this and Im going to share it with people." So I went on facebook and posted it on a link. Little did a I know that a pretty interesting conversation would arise from the subject.

Here are excerpts:

Job Ang at 11:33am June 4
HAHAH! I'm dying from laughter... sorry. lol! ^^

Brittney Yasmin Rich at 12:25pm June 4
WWWOOOWWWW is that real?! there was a beyonce one a while ago that was fake. if its real its....absolutely awful. and i have that dvd haha. wowzers.

Job Ang at 12:26pm June 4
it's real. Someone checked and confirmed it. pretty crazy. hahaah

Sarah Schoenlaub at 12:56pm June 4
Just goes to show that all someone needs to make popular music these days is a good sound producer. This is why I avoid most popular music. It's not any good.

I contrast this with the furor over Susan Boyle... people didn't expect a beautiful voice from someone who doesn't have "the look" of a pop star. People expect Britney to sing well because of how she looks. It's really sad.

Addy Brickweg at 1:28pm June 4
Now, this isn't all fair. Most of the time, she sounds crappy because she's out of breath. Anyone running around like that and dancing so much would have a hard time singing. Granted, she can't really sing anyways, but most of this video, she was obviously out of breath. The sad thing is, she used to be able to sing very well.

Sarah Schoenlaub at 1:59pm June 4
Um... Broadway singers are expected to do this all the time. Even off-Broadway. Even high school and college musicals involve singing and dancing. I was just a chorus member in a college musical and I was expected to sing and dance. It can be done, it just takes effort and practice to do it.

Addy Brickweg at 2:14pm June 4
Oh I have no doubt that people can do it. I just know that I wouldn't be able to, so maybe Britney can't either. She's paid as a performer, not a singer, so this should be no real surprise to anyone.

Guimel Sibingo at 12:27am June 5
I was shocked Job. lol. I'm not surprised you got a laugh from it!

Sarah - I am guilty of listening to popular music but because I like it. However, I do not agree with the methods or morals of how they do things. In other words its not music I base my opinions off of or that I listen intently to get some sort of moral lesson from. I do have ... Read Moresome of her music but the way she does things and the way the industry does things, is pretty bad.

Addy - Thanks for commenting. But you've got be kidding. Anyone who has a record deal should be able to sing, dance, and make good music. They have to be authentic and have authentic talent. There is no excuse. If she is an a-list "performer" then she needs to know how to do it. She NEEDS to. If she cant sing and dance then she shouldnt be a singer at all. Beyonce busts her ass onstage all the while singing her best. She worked hard to do it. All her life. She suffered for it and got to where she got. If Britney can't take a little...

Guimel Sibingo at 12:28am June 5
hard work in that department and chooses to hide behind playback because she can't do it. I'm sorry. Not in this industry. There is no excuse. She can dance, that's for sure. Maybe she should stick to that. She doesnt even write her own music, not even a little bit.

I hope you dont take this the wrong way. It's just a discussion right? Sorry if it sounded harsh. Im pretty passionate about this.

Addy Brickweg at 12:33am June 5
Lol, I'm not kidding actually. I think that it is so much more respectable to be a singer, dancer, performer when they have worked their asses off to get there the right way. It's one of the main reasons I love Lady Gaga. She did it the way it's "supposed" to be done. But, I'm not going to laugh at someone like Britney who did it the way MOST ... Read Morepeople in Hollywood do it. If we left our respect to those who do it the "hard work" way in Hollywood, we'd be without a whole lot of popular culture.

Oh, don't worry, I wouldn't take it the wrong way One of my favorite things is debate. Like we didn't argue civilly all the time in the WDYB

Guimel Sibingo at 12:37am June 5
Well, thank you! Im glad you're not offended. I'm always afraid I'll offend someone with my big sermons. haha.

I actually disagree. Pop culture could do without people like Britney Spears. I don't mean that pop culture could do without her person, I don't reject her person. But I reject her actions and the way she puts herself out. Not exactly ... Read Morethe content of her music but just how she emulates herself. Ill use Beyonce again, she has sort of the same content in her music but you can tell she carries herself with respect and is out to positively change the world. I understand Britney Spears is lost and lacking a bit ofunderstanding and is trying to understand herself a bit more, but she can do that without putting herself out. Outside the limelight. It just sends a negative vibe to society. I believe that pop culture is something that is more of a luxury. We can do without it. What matters is what people like Oprah or Obama are doing. Or artists who are out to change things and who..

Guimel Sibingo at 12:39am June 5
send a positive message. That is real change. The other stuff is all entertainment and we can do without. So I believe that those who work hard and are actually DOING something real for the world are worth praising. Those who dont work hard, like most hollywood people, and make it. Those arent worthy of my praise for what they are trying to be. She... Read More's trying to be something she is not. She's a great dancer, has great producers. But what she is trying to do is not who she is, no matter how much she believes it is.

I dont know, her music is very transparent. You can tell she has a million issues and is acting out with her music. You can tell shes not authentic and doesnt know who she really is.

Addy Brickweg at 1:04am June 5
I'm not saying pop culture COULDn't do without it, I'm saying it WOULDn't. I honestly don't feel any better about Beyonce. She may be able to sing, which is always cool, however, I don't feel like I have the right to judge whether she carries herself better than Britney. She may seem that way on the red carpet, but we don't know what she does in ... Read Moreher personal life. It could all be a big sham. The only reason we have this thing against Britney is because of the poparazzi and how they portrayed her for so long as this horrible mother and bad person all around.

We can do without pop culture, obviously, but one of the things that makes us human is culture. The Western world's culture is synonymous with pop culture. It's such a HUGE part of our culture that if it were gone, we would lose a lot of what our society IS. Our self-image, for instance, is completely centered on Hollywood's version of beauty. I agree that Hollywood people are not creating good change like Obama is, but...

Addy Brickweg at 1:06am June 5
unfortunately, our society is OBSESSED with people who are not good role models. I don't know many second graders that would choose to write a paper about Oprah or Obama over writing about Britney or any Hollywood person.

My next question is this....Who really knows who they are? And how many really authentic people are there in the world these days? Everyone wears a mask.

Ok, Here is my response and I would encourage you all to join in the discussion.
You do have a good point there that surely I cannot judge either of their lives as being one thing or another. No one really knows and its true that everyone wears a mask. But I also believe that your public image is very important when you are a role model to many people. The message that you convey says something about you. The way you put yourself out there. I'm not advocating that Britney Spears should become all goodie-too-shoes, I'm asking her to be authentic. Let's take Lady Gaga for example, she knows who she is (at least that seems to come off that way) by the way that she portrays herself. She never once denies or goes over her lyrics or acts out. She attracts the people that she attracts. What I don't respect in Britney is she often denies it, or doesn't talk about it. As if its not a shame when she's singing it, but she gets defensive when people interview her about her behavior or her music. This shows to me, that she's not being real. She's putting stuff out there that she doesn't acknowledge. I'm all for growing and finding yourself. In the beginning she probably didnt know what she wanted to do with her music and you can argue that now she does. But if now she's really found her gist in the choice of music and lyrics and videos, then she should admit to it and own up to it. Not run and hide or act out because she feels she's being personally attacked. I don't think she would act that way if she didn't have some sort of feeling that perhaps she was being attacked for being "who she is."

It's painful to see because you can see how she would do that. She's never managed herself, she's been at the shadow of her mother, and is going through a hard time making her decisions. She's like me, a teenager and most others, who identifies "being herself" as doing the opposite of what we were taught. She can't see both sides, she just sees one.

I'm sorry if Im making assertions that might not be true, lol. It's just the way I'm writing. And I'm probably wrong and can be wrong I am aware of that.

Now for the pop culture thing, I dont think it should define our culture. I understand that it does but its not something that I accept as deamable. Just because something that is twisted is publicly accepted does not mean I cannot get up and do something to change it. It's a lame excuse. What you say its true, unfortunately people are obsessed with celebrities and dramas but that just shows how weak we are as a society. We don't value whats true, noble, and beautiful. We are so bored with our lives that we make up stories about other people's lives or imagine for ourselves some sort of utopia. We live vicariously. We live through other people's lives. I'm guilty of that sometimes, for sure. And I hate that about myself and I hate that about society. It's banal, its meaningless it will all go away. And anything that I can do to bring true value to things, to bring authenticity to things. I will. That's why I admire the people that I mentioned. That's why admire things that have purpose. And even if it is just for entertainment, I admire those who are real concerning that. Who are not just acting out or doing it for themselves. But see it as a step towards good. The good of someone else, whatever that good may be.

If this thread is misplaced. I'm sorry.

Pretty awesome.
Go Go Go!!!
Visit InvisibleChildren.Com

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!!!!

How It Ends

This will take you 3 to 5 minutes max. Please take some time to explore this story. It will take you on a disturbing yet revealing journey.

http://www.fallingwhistles.com/story/story.html

After I went through the journey myself I found myself asking the question, "With so much going on in the world, what can I do? Which cause to give myself to? Which ones have priority which ones don't?" It's so messy out there and there are so many problems and frankly there will always be. But this is what I wrote in response to a statement similar to mine that a friend made.

"Phil, your comment inspired me a little. LOL. It is true that when we hear of these things we ask ourselves, "What can we do?" There is so much happening in the world and we see it in the news and newspapers. With so much wrong happening what can we do? We get the sense of "I want to ... Read Moresolve it all!" but then comes the overwhelming feeling, "It's too much, I can't really do anything"

With that, I believe, comes the misleading thought that what we do only counts when we do large-scale stuff like creating an organization or raising 30,000 dollars for Invisible Children, or rallying a whole country to help a child. Those things are enormous, but they all came through small efforts. Through small people. One good deed by someone no matter how small it may seem equals the large scale stuff that is going on. If people hadnt called, hadnt left one comment on Oprah's twitter for example, she wouldnt have come out to rescue (see http://therescue.invisiblechildren.com)...the people in chicago. I feel powerless sometimes and I feel that if I dont do something that big then I'm not doing anything. But the truth is, we can't single-handedly solve all the problems in the world or this problem. And we shouldnt be sad and think we are less just because we didnt do something as big as what others have done.

I am content with taking this link, posting it on my status. Writing about it in my blog and maybe sharing it with a friend. That's what I will do, today. The rest is up to God. He will bring the right oportunities in my life and who knows maybe it will turn into something great. But for now each of us can take one small step, one small action and though it may seem small in comparison to the bigger problem. It is something. And if we keep doing that small thing, change will come sooner than we think. :)

It's been a challenging thing, realizing this. But I believe more than ever now."

A discovery I made today. It's tough feeling small, but together we can all make a difference. I encourage you to do just that. Do something small, make it your status, share it with a friend. You can go even further and print the story and go out in the street and tell it to people! haha. You can put it up where you go to school or something. All if you can or if you feel the calling to.

I start today by doing this. Maybe I'll do more. But for now, the small that I do, will count. :)

Today I come with an issue that has nothing to do with me. Yet it all has to do with me.
Invisible Children is organizing this event called The Rescue where thousands of people all around the world will come together and "abduct" themselves to represent the thousands of children abducted by Joseph Kony to become child soldiers in Uganda. I am not able to go The Rescue because its not being hosted anywhere near me, but a lot of you can. Please visit The Rescue and watch the short film. Then you will understand how urgent this is.

I was bothered and couldn't think straight after I watched it. It kills me that I feel impotent to do things. Maybe Im too scared to take action and do something. But I need to do something. People have risked their lives to free these children. I have to do the same. Jesus calls us to that. Jesus calls us to help those who cannot help themselves. We need to get off our high horses and do something. For now, bringing awareness is what I can do. I pray that God will give me more oportunities to do more.

COME TO THE RESCUE!